Current:Home > Invest'Madame Web' review: Dakota Johnson headlines the worst superhero movie since 'Morbius'-LoTradeCoin
'Madame Web' review: Dakota Johnson headlines the worst superhero movie since 'Morbius'
View Date:2024-12-23 23:34:50
If only a psychic could have warned us about these wretched Spider-Man spinoffs.
Because if you thought “Morbius” was bad, buckle up for “Madame Web.” Directed by S.J. Clarkson (“Jessica Jones”), the psychological thriller (★½ out of four; rated PG-13; in theaters Wednesday) barely clears the painfully low bar set by Jared Leto’s pseudo-vampire flick.
Burdened by bad dialogue, negligible character development, a lackluster bad guy and assorted B-movie silliness, "Madame" stars Dakota Johnson as a New York City paramedic able to see the future. While gamely trying to venture outside of her drama comfort zone, she as well as others unfortunately get stuck in the film’s web of nonsense.
The movie centers on Cassandra Webb (Johnson), who in the Marvel Comics' Spider-Verse is an all-seeing elderly blind woman confined to a life-support chair, but here gets a superhero origin story that’s sort of Spider-Man lite. Cassie is an EMT who keeps mostly to herself and her cat when a near-death experience unlocks these weird psychic visions that she initially figures are episodes of deja vu but are actually glimpses into a potential future. (Also important to know: Like with Peter Parker, a spider bite is key to Cassie’s tale.)
Fate, or a forced plot as it were, intertwines Cassie’s life with three youngsters – Julia (Sydney Sweeney), Mattie (Celeste O’Connor) and Anya (Isabela Merced) – and she "sees" them being killed by a strange guy named Ezekiel (Tahar Rahim). After saving the girls from being murdered on the subway, Cassie needs to decode her own traumatic past while keeping her moody new charges safe from this mysterious villain. Ezekiel inexplicably wears what looks like a Spider-Man suit, even though Spidey’s not really a thing (yet) in this 2003-set narrative, which is just going to annoy and confuse casual movie fans.
Frustrated indignation is par for the course with “Madame Web,” given its mostly unexplained race of mythical spider-people, Cassie’s haphazard visions and a ludicrous denouement. Johnson gives her character, who’s not at all comfortable playing cool aunt to a trio of trouble-magnet kids, a sassy scrappiness in the more grounded sections.
'The worst time of my life':Dakota Johnson didn't love being on 'The Office'
The superhero-y stuff is less successful, and not exactly subtle about its Spider-source material: Cassie learns about great power and having responsibility, and her ambulance partner Ben (Adam Scott) is about to be an uncle, so you don’t have to be a card-carrying Marvel nerd to figure out some things.
And for fans of tight outfits and superpowers, “Madame Web” couldn’t come at a worse time as the latest in a cinematic genre spiraling with diminishing returns. This won't help: Instead of being a breath of fresh air akin to the Tom Holland Spider-flicks, “Madame Web” is instead a reminder of the Worst Superhero Times (aka the mid-2000s), when we couldn’t escape the doldrums of “Spider-Man 3,” “Elektra” and “X-Men: The Last Stand.”
If only someone could have seen it coming.
veryGood! (98)
Related
- NFL overreactions: New York Jets, Dallas Cowboys going nowhere after Week 10
- Vanderpump Rules' Lala Kent’s Affordable Amazon Haul is So Chic You’d Never “Send it to Darrell
- Michigan Tribe Aims to Block Enbridge Pipeline Spill Settlement
- Nobel-Winning Economist to Testify in Children’s Climate Lawsuit
- The charming Russian scene-stealers of 'Anora' are also real-life best friends
- America’s Got Talent Winner Michael Grimm Hospitalized and Sedated
- Mark Consuelos Reveals Warning Text He Received From Daughter Lola During Live With Kelly & Mark
- Interactive: Superfund Sites Vulnerable to Climate Change
- Pentagon secrets leaker Jack Teixeira set to be sentenced, could get up to 17 years in prison
- Utilities Are Promising Net Zero Carbon Emissions, But Don’t Expect Big Changes Soon
Ranking
- New Mexico secretary of state says she’s experiencing harassment after the election
- Solar Plans for a Mined Kentucky Mountaintop Could Hinge on More Coal Mining
- Ashley Tisdale Enters Her French Girl Era With New Curtain Bangs
- Pete Davidson Speaks Out After Heated Voicemail to PETA About New Dog Is Leaked Online
- Parts of Southern California under quarantine over oriental fruit fly infestation
- Biden’s Paris Goal: Pressure Builds for a 50 Percent Greenhouse Gas Cut by 2030
- How did each Supreme Court justice vote in today's student loan forgiveness ruling? Here's a breakdown
- PPP loans cost nearly double what Biden's student debt forgiveness would have. Here's how the programs compare.
Recommendation
-
What is ‘Doge’? Explaining the meme and cryptocurrency after Elon Musk's appointment to D.O.G.E.
-
Power Plants on Indian Reservations Get No Break on Emissions Rules
-
Michigan Tribe Aims to Block Enbridge Pipeline Spill Settlement
-
The Ultimatum’s Xander Shares What’s Hard to Watch Back in Vanessa Relationship
-
Cameron Brink set to make Sports Illustrated Swimsuit debut
-
What is the Higher Education Act —and could it still lead to student loan forgiveness?
-
Vanderpump Rules Reunion: Tom Sandoval and Raquel Leviss Confess They’re Still in Love
-
The Ultimatum: Queer Love Relationship Status Check: Who's Still Together?